kenapa ini ada di drafts

Lets face it, we’re all sick and tire of that classic kind of romantic bullshit where a guy comes out of the blue to safe his sweetheart from danger (or from herself). And be it we change the two positions of guy and girl, or change it to some other non-binary vocabulary, we’re still going to be tired of that shit. Yet, be still dearly long for that exact strain of romantic bullshit. Romance is bullshit.

I don’t blame anyone for wanting that kind of emotional bond between two people, where one receives all the comfort and safety, and the other continuously gives and gives and gives, or it may be they’re more reciprocal than that, but still, bullshit. Bullshit to the core of it. There’s never going to be anyone that would sweep you off your feet to save you from anything or anyone. Those are the kind of shit that got us stuck in this age of romantic pessimism in the first place: our collective disappointment in ideal romances. So fuck that shit.

Fuck that shit and throw it in the trash bin. Crumple that shit up, throw it away as far as your bodily capabilities would let you. Take it by the neck and snap it in half. Kill it. Destroy it.

There’s nothing more than obscene idolatry in romance. That’s the only thing that matters. Worship. Worship matters. Only that and nothing else. Once you’ve found a new God to worship, to lead you to salvation, that new God would be your center of devotion.

Fuck the romantics.

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There was nothing there, and there is nothing here.

It took me away to another place, the ringing I heard in my ears, it took me away to another place. It came out of nowhere, I can’t recall in what part of this room it started to shriek into my ears, but I could recall how it feels like on my skin. It was forcing me to open my eyes, I wanted to keep my eyes closed, afraid of seeing the very thing waiting to scream at me with its glaring eyes. But I awoke in another place.

There was nothing there, and there is nothing here. It was only fear, the emotion that I’ve tried run away from all this time. And so I try to hide in a place with no hiding places, but it found me and it butchered my mind.

Then I remembered that it was almost that time of the year. A time of contemplation, a period of suffering in order to let go of my self to higher powers. Maybe that trip through fear was an example of such surrendering.

May God save our souls, may God protect us from the evil which resides in all of us.

00.34

Ketakutan itu nyata. Terimalah kenyataan itu. Ketakutan kita pada kesengsaraan yang mengintai-intai itu nyata, dan akan selalu nyata. Setiap tarikan nafas kita di dunia ini menghembuskan bau pesing, dan bau busuk itu akan selalu menyeruak saat kita enggan jujur bahwa kita takut pada kesengsaraan. Di setiap sudut kehidupan kita ada jurang-jurang yang menunggu manusia untuk terjatuh ke dalamnya. Kesengsaraan tidak berakhir saat kita terpelanting ke dalam jurang-jurang penuh sesak itu, lalu mengapa kita tidak langsung saja melemparkan diri ke dalam kesengsaraan? Aku tidak menunggu kesialan datang menghampiriku, tapi akulah yang berlari pada marabahaya, kira-kira begitu kata Cioran. Ia tidak pernah, dan tidak pernah mau pula, untuk menghindar, untuk lari dari kesengsaraan, untuk lari dari kepastian yang barang tentu kita alami di kehidupan ini.

Ada yang lari terpontang-panting saat marabahaya datang kepadanya, namun ada yang berani untuk menghampirinya sebelum ia dapat merayap mendekatinya. Ada banyak yang mencoba mengusirnya, menolaknya, melawannya, dan banyak yang mati sia-sia karenanya. Seperti ternak yang matanya terbelalak menatap kilauan pisau jagal, mereka membeku di muka marabahaya, ketakutan dan kelemahan merasuki sanubari mereka. Itulah naluri kebinatangan kita, itulah yang kita warisi dari moyang kita yang tidak beradab itu. Kita hanya diberi pilihan untuk mundur atau bertahan, ini memang sudah nasib kita sebagai manusia. Kadang-kadang menjadi binatang, dan kadang-kadang menjadi binatang lemah. Ketakutan memang menanarkan, namun untuk apa memelihara kelemahan?

 

A note

I am tired.

That needs to be put forward first, the fact that I am tired, I am exhausted from all the things that I didn’t do. It doesn’t make any sense at all, it’s fucking stupid to even come out with a sentence such as that, but that’s exactly how I feel. It hurts, and the pain is starting to wait to me.

I’ve been waiting for something for so long. I don’t know what it is exactly that I’m waiting for, maybe it’s inspiration, or maybe just simple motivation, a will to do, a will to write. But it never comes around. I’ve come to the point that it’s utterly useless to even wait for something like that, for something I don’t even know what. I just need to fucking write. Be it shit, be it crap, be it garbage, it’s what I can do and I need to do it. There’s this sort of a calling, that I thought, I had towards writing or whatever it is this is, but that calling, or whatever it is, is lost somewhere inside of me. Where is it?

HA!

Lets face it, we’re all sick and tire of that classic kind of romantic bullshit where a guy comes out of the blue to safe his sweetheart from danger (or from herself). And be it we change the two positions of guy and girl, or change it to some other non-binary vocabulary, we’re still going to be tired of that shit. Yet, be still dearly long for that exact strain of romantic bullshit. Romance is bullshit.

I don’t blame anyone for wanting that kind of emotional bond between two people, where one receives all the comfort and safety, and the other continuously gives and gives and gives, or it may be they’re more reciprocal than that, but still, bullshit. Bullshit to the core of it. There’s never going to be anyone that would sweep you off your feet to save you from anything or anyone. Those are the kind of shit that got us stuck in this age of romantic pessimism in the first place: our collective disappointment in ideal romances. So fuck that shit.

Fuck that shit and throw it in the trash bin. Crumple that shit up, throw it away as far as your bodily capabilities would let you. Take it by the neck and snap it in half. Kill it. Destroy it.

There’s nothing more than obscene idolatry in romance. That’s the only thing that matters. Worship. Worship matters. Only that and nothing else. Once you’ve found a new God to worship, to lead you to salvation, that new God would be your center of devotion.

Fuck the romantics.

fuck you nietszche fanboys

Membedakan dunia yang sebenarnya (yang dijanjikan oleh orang-orang suci akan datang pada kita setelah kematian) dengan dunia riil (dunia yang kita terlahir ke dalamnya), menganggap dunia nyata adalah di mana kita akan benar-benar hidup, adalah suatu kesalahan.

Kita hidup di sini, di dunia riil ini, jangan sepelekan kehidupan yang kita jalani sekarang. Curigalah kepada mereka yang mendakwahkan ketenangan/kesengsaraan abadi di dunia “nyata” yang “akan tiba” itu.

Hiduplah semampunya, sebisanya; tapi semabuk-mabuknya! Apapun yang terjadi, bertahanlah, jangan pernah menyerah atau mengemis; kalian adalah tuan diri kalian masing-masing, jangan mengemis kepada Yang Lain, apalah dia manusia maupun ruh.

Mabuklah, karena kemabukan membuat kita merasa memiliki segalanya dan menguatkan indra-indra kita. Jangan sangsikan indra sebagai bantuan otak, otak dan pikiran telah lama dianggap sebagai jawaban atas semua pertanyaan, tapi lihatlah sekarang apa yang terjadi; ketergantungan kita pada pikiran, pada otak, pada rasio, menjerumuskan kita ke dalam kesepian, kehampaan, kekeringan; hiduplah dengan indra-indra perasa yang kuat!

Mabuklah, dan tidak butuh kau menenggak khamr atau arak untuk mabuk. Mabuklah karena kau ekstase, karena kau perintahkan dirimu untuk mabuk, kau perintahkan tubuhmu untuk masuk ke dalam keadaan ekstase; kemabukan yang kau sebabkan sendiri, bukan sekadar alkohol yang mengalir dalam darahmu.

Nanti, kelak suatu saat nanti, dan ini kerap terjadi sebelumnya, kita akan dihadapi halangan, rintangan. Jangan takut! Siapkan diri dan lawanlah, bertahanlah, lalui dan jangan melemah pada apapun; nenek moyang kita dapat bertahan jutaan tahun lalu karena kemauan untuk hidup yang tak rapuh.

Karena pada akhirnya, kita adalah kepingan-kepingan nasib. Nasib membawa pada kita kejayaan maupun kekalahan, terimalah! Terima, dan jangan berikan dirimu pada nasib, tapi genggamlah nasib, cekiklah nasib di lehernya; kita bisa, dan harus, menundukkan nasib. Itulah yang membuat kita manusia bertahan hingga kini sebagai penguasa dunia!